


Lullaby

by agentofvalue



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-31
Updated: 2014-05-31
Packaged: 2018-01-27 16:58:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1717922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentofvalue/pseuds/agentofvalue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Soon to be mothers, Delphine and Cosima talk about their fears.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lullaby

Delphine groaned. She would've said it was more of a grunt as she heaved her very swollen body into another position, but Cosima was on high alert. Every little change and shift sent her running and when they were curled in bed together those shifts were even more noticeable. 

"What's wrong?" she asked, her head popping off her pillow.

Delphine was on her side with her back to Cosima. Cosima played the big spoon. Delphine didn't open her eyes. She moved her hand from her very round belly to where she guessed Cosima's hip would be. 

"Shh," was all she said. 

"Are you okay?" Cosima said. She was not going to stop until she got her answer. 

"Qui," Delphine said, too tired to find the English word. 

That seemed to be enough. She felt Cosima settle back onto her pillow. 

There was a pause. "You'd tell me if anything felt different, right?" 

Delphine opened her eyes this time. She sighed and the frustration was audible. She didn't say anything. Everything felt too close. She pushed the covers away from her body and planned her feet on the floor. That wasn't as easy as it sounded. She was nine months pregnant; nothing was as easy as it sounded. She was enlarged and she felt it. She didn't actually make it out of the bed. 

Cosima sat up too, but perhaps had the good sense not to say anything. Delphine would be the first to admit her emotion were not entirely stable at the moment. Delphine didn't look at her. She didn't want to see the caring puppy dog face she knew Cosima would be wearing. 

Cosima did know to keep her mouth shut. She already knew her mistake was asking the question a second time. It was hard not to worry. They were so close and she was terrified. It wasn't even fair to say 'we.' Delphine was doing all the work. 

Still, Cosima knew too much about biology to not be freaking the eff out, which she was in fact doing. At dawn. When Delphine was barely getting enough sleep. Cosima stayed quiet and let Delphine decide what to do next. 

She traced her lover's outline with her eyes. It was all she saw in the darkness, though she had it memorized. She started at Delphine's hip. Her eyes traveled up her ribs, over her smooth shoulder and to her neck. She fought the urge to scoot closer and kiss that neck. Her gaze got lost in Delphine's hair, like everything got lost in Delphine's tangled curls. She found her way out and to the other side of Delphine's neck. 

Delphine turned. Her face breaking across the exact space Cosima was looking. 

"I can feel you staring," Delphine said, not unkindly. 

"Don't worry. This time it had nothing to do with being protective. I promise." 

"I don't believe you." 

Cosima smiled though she knew Delphine couldn't see. It was a private smile meant for her cheeks to feel. In an instant, her eyes traced the outline of Delphine's face too. Across her forehead, down the bridge of her nose and to the lips that Cosima loved so much. 

"My intentions were not pure. I swear." 

Now, she did move closer. She tucked her knees beneath her leaning against Delphine's back, and wrapped her arms around Delphine's shoulders and across her chest. She got to kiss her lover's neck. 

"You can't blame me for worrying though. I just need you both to be okay. If anything happened...man, I can't think..." Her sentence trailed off. 

Delphine understood what Cosima felt. She wasn't even thinking of the baby growing and thriving inside her or the little life they'd lost before. She thought of the time she came so unimaginably close to losing Cosima. 

She kissed Cosima's arm. It was warm and strong and alive. 

"I know what you mean." Her voice trembled. 

"Shhh," Cosima cooed. "You let me worry. You have enough to do." 

"I'm not talking about our child," she forced herself to say. She wanted to talk about it, the thing, the time they never talked about. 

Cosima let go. Delphine felt her go stiff. She pushed her back onto the bed and around so she could actually look at Cosima. She noticed how little she was. Delphine forgot sometimes because when her hair was all piled up she could hardly tell. She had a big personality too; she was just full of life. She seemed small now. 

"We can't pretend it didn't happen," Delphine said. 

"Yeah, we can." 

"Mon amour," she said softly. 

"Don't," she whispered and Delphine realized her voice choked too. 

In a quick motion, she leaned forward and kissed Cosima. She kissed her hard. Cosima pressed back and brought her hands to Delphine's face. 

It was Delphine who pulled away first. She kept her face close to Cosima's. 

"I almost lost you and I don't know what I would have done," Delphine said. 

"We don't have to go over this." 

Cosima guessed what Delphine was seeing her in mind. The hospital room, the IV tubes, the tests, the tests that failed and failed. There had always been science for Delphine to fall back on. After a few months, Cosima had been too sick to help. What Delphine didn't know was that had nearly killed her as much as the disease. The helplessness. The feeling that there was so much left to do, that she wasn't ready. The guilt that she would be leaving her sisters. The guilt that she would be leaving Delphine. 

She took a shallow breath that sounded like a sob. 

"Mon amour," Delphine said again. 

"It's fine. I'm fine. Something finally worked. We're fine," Cosima said and wiped her eyes. 

"Merde, I didn't mean to. I just don't want it to a big secret. We've had too many secrets in the past." She put both of Cosima's hands on her belly. "That's over. No more." 

"It won't be, but it's too hard to talk about in the middle of the night when you're so close to—" She stopped. 

"Did you feel that?" asked Delphine. 

"Of course." She was still so full of wonder whenever the baby kicked. 

"She is saying, 'Mommy, don't be scared.'"

Cosima smiled again. "She's saying, 'Let Maman get back to sleep.'"

"I might agree with that interpretation." 

Delphine lay back down and Cosima followed. They faced each now. Cosima kept a hand on Delphine's belly. Delphine covered it with her own. 

"Je t'aime," Delphine said. 

"Love you too," Cosima answered and closed her eyes.


End file.
